02 June 2015

feelings of implosion

It's Tuesday. And it's one of those days where it feels like all the things are wrong.

My toddler has the flu. She kept waking up last night because she was coughing, and it would upset her enough that she would cry and try to kick me while I tried to calm her down. She dumped a bowl of dry cereal on the couch.

I have two packages sitting at the post office waiting for me to pay the postage so they'll actually get mailed, but their credit/debit system has been down since yesterday and I haven't gotten to the bank to get cash yet.

I actually dreaded E. waking up early from her nap today because I just want a day where I have no responsibilities for my child at all. I just want to be able to drop her off with someone I trust for a day, so I can pretend that I'm not a parent for a few hours.

I stay up late reading at night and then get sleep-deprived because I go to sleep after midnight and then get woken up by a toddler. It's like grad school pre-antidepressants but with a child instead of homework.

My husband's grandmother is possibly dying; we're not sure, but we haven't gone to visit her yet because E. has the flu and J. is coming down with what she's got, and he's afraid he'll push his grandmother over the edge by giving her whatever bug our family has right now.

We have way too many sticky ant traps carefully set around our kitchen, out of reach of the small one, because our house is built over what used to be riverbed sand, and we live in the basement suite. Also, messy child. Ants think our place is paradise. Our landlord is happy to provide ant traps and is willing to either caulk up gaps or let us do that, but they're still annoying.

I'm waiting for an email about something that should show up within the next ten days, but it means I'm checking my email constantly to see if it's there yet. Not productive.

I feel...squirrelly. Like I need to do something. I have a feeling that I'm going to be dyeing my hair sometime in the next week (cheaper and less drastic than getting a tattoo or a piercing).

Maybe I'll feel less like imploding tomorrow.

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