nerves

sculpture by David Kracov; picture from bitrebels.com

My thesis defense is officially less than 24 hours away. It's tomorrow afternoon and the butterflies in the stomach have hit. Or maybe that's just the baby. Either way, I'm currently terrified and my brain feels like mush. I just had a look through some of the comments and potential questions from one of my readers and while I know his questions are reasonable, I feel like I can't think straight. I know that I'll be doing some revisions afterward--some of them possibly extensive. I've already started that process. I am glad the need for revisions doesn't mean they're post-poning the defense but I wish my mind would start up again.

To be fair, I've felt off all day. I'm exhausted. Nauseous. Achy. Dratted third trimester. Tomorrow marks 30 weeks. We start counting down from 10 now, even though the baby could show up earlier than 40 weeks. It's happening soon and we don't even have a crib yet.

Right now I'm in that state where it feels like everything I've written is crap. I've been alternating between that and then feeling that it's okay. The panic is subsiding for the moment, but it'll probably show up again later. I still feel like I've spent two years on something that may be shite, but I'm pretty sure my advisor would have said something sooner if it was.